these small hours

listening to that song right now. i love it so much. it is so crazy how things have changed so much this last year. .. this song reminds me so much of the past and what is that movie that was for this song it made me cry and it was a cartoon how embarassing. whatev. things have been getting better. i am not as depressed as i was and have been going to church pretty consistently. there are days i pretend i am okay and have forgotten the past but i havent. i am praying that everyday God takes that pain away from me. its hard to force those smiles. you know. my sister is suppose to be getting married in May. this is hard as well i dont really support her decision right now she is not ready to get married. you know what i mean. but i think that my mom is coming so this will be good and hard at the same time i will be able to see her and that it gets easier and i dont become sad..my sister needs to be stable first before she gets married!. i am not going to pay for anything for her she needs to be responsible. i want to run away with someone from everything. i am trying to figure out this job situation i dont know if i should still work at where i am at or try and get a new job. i have been stressed out lately for some reason.. i have been shunning my friends. i need to hangout with brittney and nicol. i neeeeeed to go to the freaking gym. rockclimbing was a lot of fun yesterday. halley has some guy renting out a room in the house its weird when i go over there now i think he likes me or something. he is a ginger yikes. what to do. .. on april 1st i was driving and i saw that chris was in a car accident its just weird that i saw or knew about it you know? just VENTING