colacurcio

the last couple days have been crazy. i helped the bulgers move a little bit on friday night. it was good to see grandpa howard and went out to eat with them. work was really good this week. one day was okay but oneill has been working with me non stop. i wonder if the other girls dont like to work with him because they think they are going to get in trouble.. i did good in surgery o thursday ;) in fact i did it all by myself doing things in my workplace that i never thought i would be able to do on my own. i feel so alone without my sister anymore. or my family i am all on my own. everything takes time i am just a overloving person. i need to be more understanding and watch my words. today was so interesting. i felt so loved this morning. anytime that i see that family i feel so loved God. its so hard when i feel like the sense of who i am is defined by my failures. i know its my human nature to lean toward the negative but i need to learn that i am not defined by my mistakes. i dont know why it is so hard for me to accept love because i feel less that worthy of it. what is the trick. where are the loop holes that i have to jump thru before you love me again. but with you there are no hoops. i felt that today. i wasnt judged by not being there or what i have done. just so happy to see me and embrace me. and everyone that i saw today was So happy to see me. like i have been gone forever or that they will never see me again..and just smiled at me. i am desperate for you and lost without you. this is the air i breath. i need to see the big picture and realize that you are not ashamed of us when we fail. i am so soo. hard on myself. i mean why would the father want to bring attention to his sons failure?? he doesnt. He wants us to draw attention to his sons return. o man..They are going to live like hell. i wanted to start crying, why do they love me so much. i wish my father was more like him. just give me hugs and called me a princess...trying to stay positive.. i am not that far gone...