recently its been hard for me to tell who my real friends are.
ever since i went and saw my mom..long story but..
i was offended about what she said to me. i could have just been emotional because of the what was going on. but i didnt talk to her for at least a month. well she didnt even know that i was mad or hurt, but i couldnt tell her either.so i just acted the same. it was good. now that i am over myself or shoot,...
was it legit.?
did i even have reason to be mad at her?
because i was i never wanted to talk to her again and i said that i hated her. she knows so much about what i have been thru. i just dont know why i dont feel like i can trust anyone. anyways i started to miss her i tried so hard to be mad at her weird and act like i didnt care, she even was in my dreams anyways we got back in contact and last night i saw her and i felt like i never stopped seeing her and i was thankful. she really is a good friend. hahaha speak of the devil she just texted me. i mean she is a friend that actually cares. you know and i shunned her. she wants to hangout with me and get to know me and that is more that even my close friends are doing.

speaking of friends i am like confused all over. people make me feel a certain way and it drives me crazy good way bad way what have you it sucks. i think i am in love with some of my friends and it scares me. i feel way to much than i should think about things over again in my head and cant do anything about it.. i wonder what my life would be like. i dont know i am constantly spinning with trust and people.

thats the way it is man.

gosh. i love you everyday.
what is up with this love thing/ lol i have so much love in my heart. why why do i have compassion for people who hurt me. not the i love you love . just love for people. like a work when people are hella shitty to me.. its like i cant be mean to them. i guess i can be a bitch but its not like i hate anyone. i think its just because i know in my heart its wrong. or maybe i just wanted to be loved so much my whole life that i am that way because i think people will love me. sometimes i just want to get away. i love people but maybe i am better off alone. i never know i am constantly thinking about this. hopefully amanda sticks around ..

wait like amanda its not like i could be mad with her very long it was like a month. i could have just been really busy and thats what she thinks prob. i just dont trust anyone i am nice to them but i am just sad because i have been hurt by so many people i dont know who to trust. what is up with this trust thing.
i hate fickle people!!

i was happy today tho. i felt loved for a sec. i love my job dispite my co workers. things have gotten alot better for me i am impressed with my skills. i love my doctor he is like such a good teacher i wish he was my dad maybe its the fact that i wish for his approval he has been really nice to me he is starting to talk to me and tell me that i am doing a good job and that makes me happy he usually doesnt say anything. i am trying so hard to make things perfect.

i am not perfect. but i wish i was.