i have been thinking way too much lately. i feel like i dont deserve love at all. people have been lovin me so much and i am overwhelmed. i dont get it. its what i always have wanted but a part of me is so scared and i am so afraid that something is going to happen to him my dreams are freaking me out. i have been hangingout with lacey at the gym and i always have so much fun with her. i saw amanda today she is doing something at the casino and wants to be a dealer so i let her practice. i want to be able to trust those around me but i am really struggling with it. i wonder if i would have been better off if i went to the counseling that Frank wanted me to go to. would i be more stable now. my thoughts are everywhere. i dont know why but so much of the past today. GOd i cant change my past. "away from the sun again." g2g buck wants to get ice cream and watch where the wild things are.